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Below average in every way
Sep. 8th, 2009 05:40 pmWell I am going to slash the doll budget as I have just signed up for a year of personal training! My health is probably the only thing that can lure my monies from dolls. Thing is I NEED to get in better sha[e and with this year of training I can work on core and balance which should improve my posture and add some muscle tone. And it wasn't the trainor who told me I'm below average- IT WAS THE TREADMILL! I did a 5 minute fit test and scored below average. Now I feel bad. Hopefully I can improve myself.
I am also feeling bad about my writing. Nothing is going well. I feel like I can barely string a sentance together let alone craft literary gold, or what ever. I mean not that crippling self doubt is helping me acheive my goals. I just have a hard time with it. A lot. All the time. I don't really know what to do about it either. I mean I sort of know that I'm not a horrible writer but I feel like a horrible writer most of the time.
Recent reads Sweep 1 by Cate Teirnan. Short book, not piles of action, but really readable. Of course it's the first volume in a series of like 15 books! Not kidding!
I need writer friends! I mean producing writer friends. And maybe readers. But all I have are well- not kidding- SCANS of my writing. I write longhand! And I don't type a lot. So that doesn't help either. I mean I can't run around asking people to read my SCANS. Fuck! And I can't try to make friends with real published authors because I'm not as published in their feild as they are. I have this idea that fans can't be friends with pros. I could be wrong about this but there is a decided gap. But I also know that a lot of authors thank each other in their dedications so they are obviously friends. But the question is did they become friends after they got an agent and a contract or before? I dunno. And I don't exactly live anywhere near any other authors except people who don't write in my feild! I can't show Sunny a book a write she'll just be like WTH? She writes mysteries and hates fantasy and derides fantasy and fantasy authors so that isn't really going to help me is it?
All right whatever. I'll shut up. I know you all don't want to hear it.
I am also feeling bad about my writing. Nothing is going well. I feel like I can barely string a sentance together let alone craft literary gold, or what ever. I mean not that crippling self doubt is helping me acheive my goals. I just have a hard time with it. A lot. All the time. I don't really know what to do about it either. I mean I sort of know that I'm not a horrible writer but I feel like a horrible writer most of the time.
Recent reads Sweep 1 by Cate Teirnan. Short book, not piles of action, but really readable. Of course it's the first volume in a series of like 15 books! Not kidding!
I need writer friends! I mean producing writer friends. And maybe readers. But all I have are well- not kidding- SCANS of my writing. I write longhand! And I don't type a lot. So that doesn't help either. I mean I can't run around asking people to read my SCANS. Fuck! And I can't try to make friends with real published authors because I'm not as published in their feild as they are. I have this idea that fans can't be friends with pros. I could be wrong about this but there is a decided gap. But I also know that a lot of authors thank each other in their dedications so they are obviously friends. But the question is did they become friends after they got an agent and a contract or before? I dunno. And I don't exactly live anywhere near any other authors except people who don't write in my feild! I can't show Sunny a book a write she'll just be like WTH? She writes mysteries and hates fantasy and derides fantasy and fantasy authors so that isn't really going to help me is it?
All right whatever. I'll shut up. I know you all don't want to hear it.
